Sunday, 3 May 2015

JOAN; My Love Eternal.

Do you believe in ghosts? I do. Even as I write this, I feel goose bumps on my skin. I shudder. 
Today is the second year anniversary of Joan's death. That I loved her will be the assumption of the Century, Joan was me. I loved her so much that it hurts. We weren't perfect, but we knew our frailties and worked on them. 

Today is the second year anniversary of her death. I still miss her. Standing and looking at the calendar, I said a silent prayer for her like I do a thousand times. 

My journey to where I am now started four years ago, just like any other day, not knowing what fate had in store for me. Would I have stayed back home if I had known? More questions than answers.
The Chinese say "when you meet the "one", it won't be with a pounding heart and shaky feet, but with calmness and balance", I saw her and felt serenity, all round calmness. Many would laugh at me, and I don't care, that's how I felt the first time I saw Joan (didn't know her name then).
Why and how I said hello to her still mystifies me. Not that it was our first encounter, I had been seeing her often at the bus-stop we share together to work, but for the first time, it seemed the scales fell off my eyes as I really stared at her in Awe.  

She replied my greetings, flashing the most seductive smile and the whitest of teeth. Her dimple was deep and gave her face a unique look. She wasn't wearing much make up, but looked radiant. I could get a whiff of her perfume as I shook her hand and said "I am David, and you are?"
I couldn't hear the words but, I saw her lips move and I think she said "I'm Joan, nice meeting you". There and then, I knew I had found my wife. It never mattered to me if she was married, though I didn't see any ring on her finger, and I silently prayed she wasn't. 

As we waited for the bus, we got talking and I got to know about her. Talking to her was so easy, we shared somethings in common like music, movies, she liked romantic books which I detest.

For weeks, seeing and talking to Joan was the highlight of my day. I was in love. Guys, when you do meet her, you will know. You won't need a soothsayer or an astrologist to tell you. And when you do meet her, seize the moment, I did just that. I asked her out.
Out of my reverie, I find myself teary eyed and voiceless, time doesn't kill pain or hurt, it numbs it, that's how I feel now, numb. I've cried a river and still feel same way......empty.
I step in the bathroom and still, your smell lingers. The coldness of the shower as the icy needles cascade all over me. Hmm, the loss of a loved one is the painful of them all.

My family was so happy I had finally found someone, after my last relationship almost destroyed my family. My mum's first questions were,"where is she from, have you seen her parents, can she cook?". All came in a flurry, I calmly and laughingly answered all. 

Joan was apprehensive and nervous about meeting my folks, I actually thought it happened to men alone, and when she met my siblings and parents, they took to her like a duck to water. I was forgotten and shoved aside as she was the guest star and all the attention was bestowed upon her.
After a few months of us dating, I finally asked her to marry me. She said yes!! I was beside myself with joy. To me, my honeymoon started when Joan said yes to me.
Wedding plans were made, arrangements were in top gear and dates set. We were excited. Here I was, to be married to the one I love.
Her dad was late and it was the uncle who walked her down the aisle. There she was, replenish in an all white gown. Soon to be called my wife. I thanked God for making it all possible. The wedding was a small gathering of friends and loved ones.
I said previously that I believe in ghosts, did I tell you I believe in angels too? I do. There and then, I had my angel. Joan was my angel.

My bedside alarm brought me back to reality as I heard the annoying beep. "Damn thing" I muttered to no one in particular. I could hear my mum in the kitchen. I shook my head "mum". She has been here for me ever since my loss.

Joan got pregnant in our second month of marriage. I was over joyed is an aberation of the truth. I even took her to her ante-natals. I watched as her tummy got bigger as the day went by. Finally, the day arrived and she gave birth to the most lovely baby boy I have ever seen. I cried as I held him in my arms.
She was in labour for twelve hours, as the doctors tried to save both baby and mother. I waited outside and heard her screams, I cried. A woman shouldn't know such pain. After what seemed like ages, the doctor came out looking solemn and grave. 

"No! No!! No!!!" I said over and over again. "I want to see my wife", I told the doctor and nurses. As tears rolled down my eyes, I looked at my angel, lying lifeless, I prayed for God to take me and not her, her life for mine, a second chance. How long I stayed with her, I can't remember.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and there I she was. She was always smiling at me, but when I try to touch her, she disappears. Joan had been appearing in my dreams, where she doesn't fail to reassure me of her endless love for me and how she watches over us. After I wake up, I swear that I feel her presence, and the smell of her favorite perfume.

Today marks two years now since we lost Joan, a huge part of me died that day. These two years have been hard, but Joan left us with a lovely son, Emmanuel. I see her in him.

With a smile and a kiss, we walk hand in hand, son and father out of her graveside, where she's been resting for two years now. We reassure her of our love for her. We love you Joan, Manuel loves you, and most especially, I love you my angel, my love eternal, Joan. We miss you dearly.


  1. Nice read! Thanks pams, you are good at what you do

  2. awwww! am emotional already
    sounds real.
    i pray we dont lose any of our loved ones in jesus name

  3. Awwwwww. It feels so bad losing a loved one esp @childbirth. Ko easy menh

  4. makes me remember my father........ Thanks for sharing

  5. Interesting! This reminds me of the loss of my beloved uncle. It's well.


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