Sunday, 25 January 2015

That horrorful Kiss.

Hehehehehe, I need to laugh first before I start this gist. I was watching a movie yesternite and there was a bad kiss incident in it, which prompted me into writing this piece.

Anywayz, my experience which unfortunately happened to be my first kiss deserves an award. So here goes:
My aunt was getting married and during the preparations a cousin of hers came visiting and immediately I set my eyes on him, the whole butterflies in my village came dancing skelewu inside my stomach. Infact, while staring, I didn't know when the plate I was carrying fell off my hand. I lost control of myself, also there was this slow motion that normally happens in Nollywood movies where everything will just become still. Believe me, it happened in real life (Lol).

Forget my high school crush, this was the real deal. What do I even know about love, I had barely written my WAEC, but I knew right then that I was in-love with this guy, that it was love at first sight (or so I thought. Lol). From then on, my mission was to draw his attention to myself cos I knew there were other small small girls giving him side eye too; and I succeeded in doing that.

Fast-forward to after the wedding, we were just jisting and then he offered to stroll with me to my house since everywhere was dark already. You need to see the way i was laughing at his dry jokes (dont blame me biko, i was in-love). Finally, we got to my house but before I could say goodbye, he drew me close to his chest. My heartbeat was so loud that I feared he might hear it, I was just grinning sheepishly as I awaited what was going to happen next; my fairytale first kiss. As he lowered his head to mine, I closed my eyes awaiting this mind-blowing kiss but what I felt on my virgined lips was a sharp pain, yes a dog bite. I opened my eyes to confirm what was going on, if it was a human or a dog biting me, but standing infront of me was my supposed prince-charming. In his mind, he was giving me the greatest kiss of the century, but here he was giving me the bite of life. I'm sure if that was the kiss the prince gave to snow white, she would prefer to stay in the land of the dead than wake up to that horrorful kiss.

I angrilly pushed him away and ran off. How dare he spoil my beautifully fantasized first kiss? I'm sure he will think he swept me off my feet and I was shy to face him , but instead he swept in back my senses. My lips were swollen for days and I had to lie that it was mosquito bite (chai, God forgive me). I pray my mum doesn't read this post biko, if not I'm in hot okro soup even though it happened years back. Anywayz, i told him afterwards that both of us wont work, he should just move on.

From then on, I angrilly became kiss celibate until I met my real prince-charming who gave me the kiss that was worth the wait. Lol.
Do you have any experience? Kindly share. Cheers.


  1. hahahahahhahah! kissing of life...i dont like to kiss sha*coversface*the fact that saliva and saliva will meet disgust me,i just dey manage dey kiss leboo.lmao

  2. Please give the poor guy a break,maybe that was his first kiss too(and he didn't go to kissing school)

  3. Please do you mind sending me your Mums phone number?I believe she has the right to know the truth about what caused her daughters swollen lip...don't you?

    1. Haaa, u want to koba me abii? plssoo, she must not knw biko.

  4. Please i have some questions to ask:1)How can i tell if i am a good kisser or that a lady i just kissed is a good kisser?2)Is there a book i can read or school i can attend to improve my kissing skills?Please help a brother out.

    1. Ehmmm, there are some pple with phd's in kissing i tink. If u are a learner, ur girlfriend will teach you. Lolz. Try to google it up and watch alot of hollywood movies. It helped me ooo but i wont call myself a pro yet. Lolz


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